What Is Cat?

Some internet web-logs just jump right into it and post cute pictures of small, cute animals, but I'd like to take a step back and ask, "What is cat?"

On the surface, a cat is a mammal covered with fur and probably full of gooey innards. To paraphrase Captain Jack Sparrow, a heart and a brain and a stomach and a furry little body and a bad attitude are what a cat needs. But what a cat is?

A cat is a little friend who likes to flash their butthole at you sometimes but is also fairly charming and nice to have around, despite the surprisingly organized pooping and the general air of emotional indifference, and some violent outbursts and some mild destruction of property, and some other frustrating things, and then they die and you just feel terrible. Truly our love affair with the humble cat needs no justification.

Some of my friend (I only have one friend) might say I have a general air of indifference and reliable pooping too—but I was taught not to brag. Does that I always don't poop in inappropriate places make me a cat, or at least cat-like? Really makes you think. And yet cats are a source of delight and traffic on the world wide web, as webizens share their favorite "cat snaps" on their homepages, web-logs, and message boards. For the successful purrveyors of online cattitude, clicks pour like fine wine, if you have a lot of fine wine and are an alcoholic (a high functioning one, we're not worried about you yet). For other people, clicks pour like boxed wine. For people like Mormons and maybe Scientologists, as I don't think Scientologists drink alcohol but maybe they call it Hubbard juice on the down low or something, no offense guys, I respect all religions but I'm just being realistic here, cat clicks pour like a cool glass of water at the local watering hole, literally, because you probably live without electricity or something in the desert, which is cool if that's what you want. Just sayin'. All of this because of the humble cat.

When I started this journey, I thought cats were just amusing animals, but it turned out that the true animals were in our hearts. The doctor gave me a prescription for gunk worm and they are supposed to be clear of my heart fairly soon. Would I have gunk worm if it were not for the humble cat? I doff my cap to the humble cat as it purrs and pees in a box very reliably. I certainly can't pee with that kind of reliability, haha! Very sorry, roommates. And so can you, with the right "cattitude" ;) So join me on this journey as we discover cat, what it is?

Photo by Katie Sokoler.